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Depression Pasta

Hello.

The other week, I was severely depressed. But, to feel like a functioning adult human, I figured I should probably make myself some food.

As depression meals usually go, it probably wasn’t healthy at all but it tasted alright.

So here’s how to make depression pasta.

(There are no measurements in this recipe.)

You Will Need:

  • Pasta. Any kind except spaghetti. I used the shell shaped one (Conchiglie).
  • Mince meat. Any kind. I used frozen beef mince.
  • Onions. I used frozen diced onions.
  • Barbecue sauce (the squirt bottle kind).
  • Mixed spices.
  • Salt.
  • Frying pan.
  • Kettle.
  • Boiling pot.
  • Sieve.
  • Cutlery.
  • Dish.
  • Water.

How To:

  1. Fill the kettle with water and turn it on.
  2. Put some pasta into a pot. You can measure it out if you want but since I didn’t I don’t know how much I used. However much seems enough.
  3. Once the kettle is boiled, pour it over the pasta and light the hob underneath that pot. Heavily season with salt.
  4. Put some mince meat and some chopped onions into a hot frying pan at the same time and stir until mince is brown.
  5. Heavily season with mixed spices and stir. It should now have a yellowish hue to it.
  6. Squirt as much barbecue sauce into your mince and onion mixture as you want.
  7. Discover that barbecue sauce reacts like water in a hot pan and just rolls around not sticking. At this point, your mixture is going to start to burn so mix it around a bit and then turn off that hob.
  8. Take a piece of pasta out of the boiling salt water using a fork and eat it to check if it’s done. (You will burn your tongue but the depression is going to stop you from caring.)
  9. If it is, strain it over the sink an thend pour it directly into a dish. There’s probably a bit too much for one person to eat.
  10. Spoon all of the barbecue mixture onto the pasta. There’s too much of this as well. Mix it all together.
  11. If you’ve done it right, it should tasted mildly burned but mostly like barbecue sauce and mixed spices (by doing this, I discovered that those flavours don’t really blend at all.)

And there you have a bowl of depression pasta. When telling people what you are, it’s probably best to describe it as “barbecue pasta” like I did.

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